The Truth of It

For two years I've been on the Food Family Rotation Diet. It is strict, complicated, and designed to cure and prevent food sensitivities. Along with some blood tests through my nutritionist, it has completely changed my physical existence from one of discomfort and fatigue, to one of energy and happiness.

With it's ability to cure, I may not have to be on it forever. My sensitivities have improved a lot. I was hoping I was done. But I got the blood work done again, and they told me I actually have a long way to go. Many symptoms came back in small ways that I had not noticed. So I have had to recharge my motivation to stay on this diet. I have had to wrap my head around the possibility of staying on it for a very, very long time.

The Breakfast of Bad-asses

I have given up eating starch with breakfast. I am completely sick of the way it tastes, and once I start eating it, I just want to keep eating it, so I've started putting it off until lunch. This morning I was craving carbs though, but instead of eating quinoa or buckwheat or rice cakes like I had been doing, I ate a tablespoon of flax meal. I thought to myself, I really have become quite the bad-ass because this doesn't seem weird at all.

When I say I'm sick of the way it tastes, I'm not talking about wheat bread, risen with yeast, full of doughy yummy goodness. Or any other kind of un-risen, gluten containing food, or even any non-gluten foods risen with yeast. I've been yeast-free for two years. My nutritionist suggested it, and I thought she was nuts but I've had dramatic results so I stuck with it. But now some new tests I've taken are indicating I really need to try going gluten free too. So basically me and bread are not on speaking terms. I've got some great recipes using quinoa, teff, and buckwheat that are gluten and yeast free (Sondra Lewis rocks!) but eating them before noon kind of reminds me of eating pickled herring in the car when you're motion sick.

So what the hell am I eating for breakfast? This morning I had Chilean sea bass, strawberries, protein drink, and... a tablespoon of flax meal.

The sea bass was actually the first bad-ass moment of the day. When I stuck a bite in my mouth and tried to eat it like I'd eat a bite of frozen waffle (bite, chew, swallow) I almost gagged. I look at it and thought to myself that it tasted good and it certainly cost enough, so I must be doing something wrong. On my second bite I ate it like I eat sushi. Pause right before it hits my tongue, with anticipation. Let it sit there for a second and then carefully press it between my tongue and the roof of my mouth, tasting it. Then slowly and delicately chew, pausing occasionally to taste it some more. Shi-zam, that's some good food.

And suddenly it really sunk in to the deepest part of me that simple food really does taste better. It tastes better because you can taste it. I've sort of timidly asserted this fact as an opinion, which I only ever brought up as a defense when people would ask me, with incredulity, how I can eat such boring food all the time. "Well I kind of have to if I want to feel good even a little bit, and besides it's kind of cool that you can actually taste what you're eating instead of just all the seasoning."

Public versus Private

I am still having a hard time deciding what to write about. I read some blogs that are so intimate in theme. It's a ludicrous concern given that this blog is totally anonymous. I've shown it to only two people. I just think of things I'd like to write about, but then I'm not sure I want it "out there" even if nobody of consequence to me knows it's me. It's still ME, you know?

In the realm of health and fitness, which are my favorite things to read about on-line, talking about my experiences with exercise is easy. I love exercise and I'm not embarrassed about it. But the freaky allergen reducing diet I've been on for two years? I already wrote about the day I had nuts in the microwave. My blog has already pretty clearly indicated I'm up to no good in the kitchen. It's like I expect somebody to e-mail me and ask me why the hell I had nuts in the microwave to begin with.

Obviously, I could just write whatever random shit is in my brain. But I don't enjoy reading this kind of thing, so why would I create it? I already create that in my journal anyways. I have hardwood floors under my carpet and I didn't find out about it until this weekend. If I am writing stories about my home improvement projects, and include a picture of the carpet pulled up to show the wood, that's interesting, but not just tossed out there without context. There is a line that needs to be drawn somewhere.

I'm actually working on this in real life, too. Fine tuning what I will and will not share, where and with whom. I've been an open book about the food allergies (and the exercise), but the cost of this is beginning to aggravate me. It isn't any of anyone's business. I have grown to not care about their almost exclusively uninformed opinions, so it's just one more small step to just not offer information in the first place. But I do NEED to talk about it. And on this blog, any potential/imaginary readers can choose to read or not read at their discretion. And I in no way feel obligated to respond to people who doubt my ability to make heath care decisions. But by putting it "out there," even without any readers, I would probably still feel... heard.

Hmmm....