La-la land

I used to be really worried and stressed all the time about everything. It was bad for me, but it really made time management natural and easy. The last couple of years, I've been learning to relax. This was a very healthy move, but I haven't yet learned how to manage time while relaxed. I'm late everywhere, I pay bills late, I'm always rushing to get my food prepared, I don't have time to read or exercise.

I've always had a childish dislike of activities being timed. Like tests especially, I figure if I know it, I know it, and it doesn't really matter how long it takes to pull it out of my brain. And it's always really bugged me on Project Runway how little time they get to plan their design and pick out fabric. I've always thought that things would turn out better if they had more time.

The challenge on the episode last night was to design an outfit for a recent college graduate. Each designer had a young woman and her mother as the "clients." They had 30 minutes to pick out fabric and it suddenly clicked that things are timed because in grown-up land, you can't afford to spend three hours picking out fabric. Your client is paying you to get the job done, and you have lots of other jobs to get done, and there are only so many hours in a day.

So I'm having a new appreciation of the ability to do something quickly and efficiently. It's finally just hit home that time is limited and working efficiently could go a long way to making life more enjoyable. I love watching my hands make rice (one activity I do efficiently.) It goes so smoothly. There are no mistakes or re-do's. It's smooth, thought out and practiced. Compare that to grocery shopping. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about this or that dish, or maybe someday being able to eat such and such food. Or making the smallest decisions like what kind of peanut butter to buy. Thinking over my routine tasks, I think many of them could be made more efficient, and more enjoyable in the process.

Yes, sometimes it's nice to just go off into la-la land and really take a lot of time on something. I just don't need to do that all the time. It makes it hard to have time to do the things I want to do. And actually makes me worry sometimes that it's an escape for me, a way to avoid life's problems.

I fully believe in having unstructured time in which to let my brain ferment and relax and daydream. But I think I can improve my life by being purposeful with this unstructured time. Do it while relaxing near a window. Or doing something creative that I enjoy. At the very least, NOT in the peanut butter aisle.